We’ll write a bit of music and sing over the top. Then we’ll tidy up the music and write some new vocals. Then we’ll write a new piece of music and sing the new vocals over the top. And then when it’s about to be released we won’t like it anymore, and record a different song with the same name so we dont have to change the artwork. — Helen Love from An Interview with Helen Love
Old West Midlands Travel Bus Ticket on Flickr.
An old West Midlands Travel bus ticket my mother found recently inside a book. Who knows what year it’s from. (It’s from back when they were called West Midlands Travel, so probably pre 1996)8:30 o’clock — I suppose someone was on their way to work/school.
I don’t know what to blog about these days, things don’t seem worth writing about, or I want to write about something that it doesn’t seem possible to write about.
For example, recently I’ve begun to get around this mental(?) block I had where I knew what notes to play on guitar or keyboard but always messed them up. I knew I could play the thing (whatever it was I was trying to play) cuz when my mind began to wander sometimes my hands would just move to the place they were supposed to be, a bit like typing a password. I’ve drifted from my point — I’ve begun to be able to not completely mess up everything I play and I wanted to write about that, then realised I have no idea how to do that.
Also I don’t want to build a little nest for myself and feel trapped by it, or have to leave a string of abandoned homes in the wake. It’s enough to have one physical home without having to represent yourself on the web, mebbe it would be easier if I was making very imaginary things/ places.
I bought some new musical stuff recently, was going to post about that (guitar, soundcard, microphone) and have been watching stuffs on YouTube that I could have blogged about (e.g. A few weeks ago I was listening to Serbian, Croatian and Yugoslavian bands on theYouTube, I found many that I liked). Then I felt like — Every way that I can imagine writing about these wonderful discoveries sounds so boring I’m not going to. Cos the excitement is in the doing but writing about it — bleh.
I might try posting again, some things that I don’t think are worth posting and see how ridiculous I feel.
A few years ago I thought, for a change, I’d venture into the world outside and get involved in stuff that was happening, meet people and do stuff; blog, make things. I thought I enjoyed some of the things I was doing, but now I have no idea what I enjoyed/whether I enjoyed anything/what enjoyment is. I’ve tried to re-evaluate everything that is evaluateable but I’m no clearer about anything.
I don’t know what to do with my time/self, I’m back to the idea that even were I healthier, any sort of life I’d want to live is impossible, things that I’d stumbled upon that seemed promising now seem so small and pale and thin; a trick masquerading as a treat; waking hours feel like they’re spent killing time until I go to sleep. What am I going to blog from here?
I’ve been in hiding/extended hibernation for a few months, I haven’t been anywhere, haven’t spoken to anyone (besides my mother and the occasional apartment maintenance person). I haven’t had the energy to do much, besides making/listening to music/watching web stuff. I’ve been more consistently unwell lately that I’ve been for a couple of years. The thought of having to meet anyone or go anywhere makes me anxious, the idea of blogging or tweeting or sending an email makes me nervous, all this is familiar territory.
I spose I haven’t posted about this cos 1) in hiding, 2) it seems somewhat melodramatic and goes no where — all of this is a dead end.
Anyway, that’s the “Why I haven’t been posting lately” post.
… if you put it in digital form, expect it to be bootlegged, remixed, manipulated, and endlessly commented upon. Expect spiders to pick it up and use it as ad-bait on spoof web pages. The moment you put it out there, all bets are off; it’s way out of your control. — Kenneth Goldsmith via AUSTIN KLEON : TUMBLR
I tried to keep a note of every song that “played” in my mind throughout one day (while awake). I only noted songs that hung around for more than two minutes or so. I might have missed some as I don’t always notice them. Some songs recurred, but I only noted each song once.
__ Saturday 00:00
Pop Muzik — M
City Of Angels — The Distillers
Beat Your Heart Out — The Distillers
Trash — The Whip
My Puppet Pal —Tiger
A Fond Farewell — Elliot Smith
Laura — Scissor Sisters
Time Tunnel Cellar — Tiger
Calcutta — The Names
Tick Tick Boom —The Hives
Hollaback Girl — Gwen Stefani
Milkshake — Kelis
Would I Lie To You — Charles And Eddie
Drain The Blood — The Distillers
Metal Guru — T-Rex
Isobel — Bjork
Close Your Eyes (‘Xxx’ Mix)— Acen
Beverly Hills — Weezer
__ 10:00, I went to sleep
__ 14:00, I woke up
Little Boys Blue — Kinky Machine
Call Me Names — Echobelly
Gooseberry Fool — Kinky Machine
B Is For Brutus — The Hives
Antidote — The Hives
The Bends — Radiohead
Myxomatosis — Radiohead
__ 18:00 Fell asleep again and didn’t wake up till about 03:00 the next day (i.e. Sunday).
Just re-read the above. It sounds terse. Am I usually terse? I don’t know.