This intricate web of self loathing I have woven over the years, I put down.
Then pick up again, in fear that it’s the only beautiful thing I will ever make.
Too seductive, a tar pit to throw yourself into and suffocate/drown.
Realised that the words “jerk” (used as an insult) and “wanker" literally mean the same thing. Also tosser. "Jerk" to me seems much lower of the scale of general offensiveness than "tosser"; "wanker" would be higher on that scale.